她听我约她她一定是高兴的飞起来吧！反正我是这么认为的！我觉得我们这个年纪的人，应该思维都是差不多的，不会跳跃很大的样子，了不有太大的代沟。
这个笑话对每一个胖妻和瘦夫都受用，你们怎么看！
胖妻：我们谈恋爱的时候，你总是说你对我挺有感觉的。我现在想知道，那时你这样说是不是在骗我？
瘦夫：我爱你都来不及，怎么会骗你呢？我以我高贵的人格担保，你让我真的挺有感觉。胖妻：你对我有什么感觉，说具体点。
瘦夫：亲，当你站在我身边的时候，让我觉得十分有安全感；当你出现在我面前的时候，让我的眼球感到有十足的压迫感；当我搂着你的腰身的时候，让我感到一种再厚实不过的真实存在感。
其实嘛我约她，她也没有表现出兴奋的表情，就我自己高兴了，她只是特别低调的回复我说：“恩，好吧！我反正是吃货也不想减肥了！”我常常是听见吃货表决心说不吃了，我要减肥，从今天起我再也不做吃货，再吃就剁手之类的话了。
她告诉我她曾经也是下定过决心要减肥的，她说自己空有一颗减肥的心，却生了一条吃货的命，她为了减肥也做过一个让自己完美的计划，不过这个计划最后被自己PASS了，不为别的就是因为怕自己太完美了，招老天爷嫉妒。
我心里暗笑，你现在肯定不会招人嫉妒了，因为别人怎么也嫉妒不起来了！
虽然大人们从不说我胖，只说“呵呵，小姑娘长得蛮结实的！腰肥.臀圆肯定能生娃。”大家都不说我胖，也不说我长得怎么样，长辈们都觉得我能生娃，仿佛我在她们的眼中不是女人，就只是个生育工具，可我才不想他们这样说呢！我才不想当别人的生娃工具啊！所以我下定决心要减肥，我想减肥！我要减肥！
我想减肥，我不想一进商店，店员就说没有我的尺寸。
我想减肥，我不想因为腿粗，买不到合适的漂亮靴子。
我想减肥，我更不想因为胖，而被那些男生乱起绰号。
我想减肥，我更不想因为胖，每次单位的椅子坏了，大家都看我。
我想减肥，我决定不让自己再胖下去，不再走寻常路。
可是没那么简单，减肥没有那么容易，每块肉都有它的脾气，过了要减肥的年纪，轰轰烈烈不如贫饥，饿着没有那麽容易，食物特别让人着迷，什麽都爱吃的年纪，曾经最好吃，所以最开心，曾经，想吃最伤心，但却最动心，的记忆。
所以我拟定了一份减肥计划：每周只吃一包薯片、只吃一个鸡腿，只吃一瓶可乐，只吃一次大排，每顿只吃一碗米饭每次出去吃面，吃粉我都再也不喊老板全加福……但是，今天，我下定决心一定要减肥成功，在心里暗暗对自己说：“不成功，便成胖子！”
望着手中的减肥计划，我是说干就干，我再次联想万千……
如果我减肥成功，我会着穿最时尚的吊带衫露出我的小肚皮。
如果我减肥成功，我要参加选美比赛，展示我最闪亮的一面。
如果我减肥成功，我还会做许许多多我现在不敢做的事呢！
hing！
可是，现实是如此的残酷，计划只执行了一周，就被无限期搁置了。面对如此多的美食让我如何能克制自己？各位减肥高手们，快来给我支个招吧！让我又能吃各种好吃的东西，又不会长胖，那该多好啊！
努力过，失败过，成功过，反弹过……突然，我想通了：其实，就算我不能减肥成功，我也还依旧是那个成绩优异的，父母喜欢的，朋友爱戴的快乐女孩！
美，瘦了一点有什么用啊，才不要听别人虚情假意的说，你好像瘦了一点。瘦一点有什么用，听就要听别人说，哇啊！你好美！
就算我不能成为漂亮的美女，要瘦就得付出代价瘦不了就继续在胖子行列混，反正世界上胖子这么多，也不差我一个。
很少听说有哪个姑娘表决心说，我反正不想减肥了，我要吃之类的！她是下定决心要做了一个吃货了！
你妹的吓得宝宝啊！我听了她要当吃货，我那是被她吓了一大跳，本能的第一反应就是,回了一个字：“啊！”“怎么不想减肥了！”
不是我是毒舌打击她的体型，叫胖子，胖妞。以她这么个吃货加懒虫，不胖才怪。
我问她为啥不想减肥，她说：“男人都应该喜欢肉肉的女孩，喜欢骨头的，那是狗。反正我要现在是豁出去了，走吃货的路，让瘦子去说去吧！”当一个女生说她要减肥的时候，千万不要相信，尤其是吃货。因为说这句话时，她刚吃饱。
我心想：你妹的，不减肥就算了，你不有理了，其实你要当吃货我也没有什么意见，但是你别只顾着吃而变成了胖子，我我就伤不起了，你可不能再胖了，你要再胖我就要生气了。
我说：“你若是重若泰山，我就算是能追到你，也不能抱你回家啊！”她说她不想减肥，那就是还有肥的可能，现在已经够举足轻重的了，还要想要重若泰山，你不是坑爹吗？想想这事，我就后怕了！
她说“不用你抱，你还想得倒美，谁要你抱了，我自己打车回家就是了。你还想轻易的把我抱回家，你可真能想啊！你还想什么了，要不你也给我说说？”
我说那我就说了,我问她有没有看过笑话：“一懒猫疯狂地追求一老鼠,终于结婚,婚后猫对老鼠百般苛护,老鼠很快变胖,老鼠很感动:‘亲爱的为什么对我这么好呀!‘猫嘿嘿笑道:‘等你再胖一点就知道了”
她想了想立刻反应过来，飞了两个字给我：“流氓。”其实女人都是这样的，一边骂着男人，一边心想你这小身板，你还想扑倒老娘，只怕到时候就不知道，是谁吃掉谁啊!小心老娘反扑你啊！哈哈！
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